As we reach our '30s, still hunting for that perfect woman, we have come to realize some classic female behaviours that are warnings of worse problems to come. We also recognize that despite our meagre wisdom, we are still fools in the early stages of a relationship. The checklist below is a crib sheet of early storm warnings. If you're starting to enter the labrynth, run down this checklist. If you find you're ticking off more than just a couple of these, you should take a serious step back!


  • complaints or jealousy about having close male and/or female friends
  • Is secretive or evasive about email addresses, cel phone #'s etc. (this is a subtle one, but can be a defnite warning sign)
  • They have unusually close contact with all of their ex boyfriends.
  • They never trust you.
  • They always trust you.


  • Nauseatingly in love with her life
  • Doesn't read books
  • thinks boobs are too big/small
  • Limps
  • All weird about being dirty or not taking showers
  • Displays confusion about own self and past relationships (needs to be elaborated)










  • will absolutely NOT participate in oral sex
  • Never masturbates
  • Compliments go unheard and they never feel beautiful, even when you tell them they are.
  • Writes pretentious, confused poems instead of actually communicating with you.
  • Takes way too long in the bathroom (I mean way, way too long, not average woman time)
  • Can't hang out with a large group of people or at parties.
  • They don't have any girlfriends.
  • not only do they not have any girlfriends, there is a distinct lack of social life
  • After you get in a fight, the make up sex is better than the regular sex.
  • She subordinates her life and interests to yours to the point that she loses all independence and begins to suffocate you with her neediness. I think that this would fit in the category of Real Insanity.
  • Vehemently against dope-smoking
  • No Sense of Humour
  • unwilling or unable to talk about problems/issues until it comes out in an explosive outburst. (this sounds like a man, Jason)
  • You are criticized for not following the rules of relationship conduct.
  • an early diatribe about a specific type of man she is looking for. Whether or not you fall into that category, its indicative of an inflexible attitude.
  • They complain about everything and everyone.
  • exclusively urban or rural or suburban
  • Super wimpy, like can't ride a bike or walk for a long period of time.
  • She never makes any decisions on the small stuff...where to go for dinner, what to eat, etc.